Dear Reader 4

Once again, my life has done that thing where it has become completely different since the last time I blogged. Changes being:

I am single. I won't go into details as to why. But I learned a lot from the experience. Always, always, do life experiences teach me to do better, to be better, next time.

I am graduated, and then some. I'm officially a licensed massage therapist (LMT for short), running an extremely small private practice. I'm currently living in two places at once; up in South Salt Lake with my loverly Aunt and Uncle Findlay during the week and at my parents' place on the weekends. Deciding to do the Master Bodyworker Program at the Salt Lake campus of UCMT (the continuing ed stuff I mentioned in the last blog) has been a huge eye-opener for me. If anything, it has humbled me into realizing that I still have a lot to learn not only about bodywork, but about life. Escaping the Happy Valley Bubble was is a lot scarier than I thought... turns out I really am a product of my surroundings. I'm the self-dubbed "Bright and Shiny" person in my tiny class of six people. Befriending those other five people is the best adventure.

That being said, I'm to the point where I really just want to be working. To have a chance to relight the fire of this fulfilling work. To make a LIVING. So it's time to pound the pavement and be a contributing member of society. And it will happen. I'm more than capable of getting a good job. I'm going to keep telling myself that until someone finally hires me.

Through all of this, I'm doing my best to establish a personal relationship with Heavenly Father, through Christ's atonement. Letting go of some serious pride has broken me down in ways I never thought would be this good for me. It's personal now. It's about doing the right things because I want to, not just because I should. It isn't about what others want or expect of me, it's what God expects of me. It's down to earth, it's deep, and it's real. It is my core. I don't think I've ever been this converted, and it feels more right than anything ever has.

So there you go. Without the forced positivity of anything, that is my life.

Here's a piece of music I've come to remember that I love in the last 48 hours. It, along with other pieces from this soundtrack, will hopefully be making its way into my Massage Therapy playlist as soon as I decide I have enough money to spend on music again. Have a great experience in your life sometime between now and the next time we talk.

Love, Tanika

Dear Eric Whitacre,

HOW did I forget about you? Please, oh please forgive me for this lapse in judgement. I've had With A Lily In Your Hand stuck in my head for the last hour, and I quite suddenly miss being in a high quality choir. SO much. AND it makes me miss analyzing in-depth poetry.



With a lily in your hand
I leave you, o my night love!
Little widow of my single star
I find you.
Tamer of dark butterflies!
I keep along my way.
After a thousand years have gone
you'll see me, o, my night love!
By the blue footpath,
tamer of dark stars,
I'll make my way.
Until the universe can fit inside my heart.

That being said, I would not go back to high school, given the chance. Aspects of it, yes, but it's not worth it to have to relive EVERYTHING.

Excuse me while I look up more poetry and music.

Love, Tanika

Dear 90's Grunge and Acoustic Music,

I'm having a two hour love affair with you. And you should be thanking "vh1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 90s." Just so you know.









Just some examples. I'm not in an angry/dark place or anything. It's just....Yay.

Love, Tanika

Dear Glorious Life,

I don't know what happened between today and yesterday, but despite still feeling a little bit sick, I am elated. I don't know what it is. Perhaps I'll make a list of all the things it may be:

Maybe it's that I feel so much better (health wise) than yesterday.
Maybe it was seeing that boy scout stuff while discussing Charlie's wedding cake.
Maybe it was tonight's episode of Glee (don't judge, Reader).
Maybe it was seeing many of my good old friends from Mattress.
Maybe it's my awesome antibiotics that look like party pills.
Maybe it's Lady Gaga.
Maybe it's awful popular music from 1999.
Maybe it's the rain, even though that's slowing up yard work.
Maybe it's that the family dog likes me best. (He sleeps with his eyes open, by the way. Creepers.)
Maybe it's my hair.
Maybe it's Sunshine. But that one is scary to think about.
Maybe it's because you just lost The Game.
Maybe my antibiotics that look like party pills really are party pills.
Maybe I'm on the manic side of some undiagnosed manic-depression. But that one's not fun.

Whatever it is, it feel like I'm being hugged by the air itself. It feels like I'm five years old. It feels like Disneyland without lines and everything is free.

The world is glowing, people.

Here. Have one of the most ironically hopeful songs out there.



Love, Tanika

Dear Ben Folds,

Despite the fact that whilst rocking out to this particular song I gave myself whiplash, it helped me out by being an outlet for my teenage angst:



So thanks. I plan on hiring you for a month to follow me around and make up songs about me as I walk. Just so you know. It's coming.

Love, Tanika

Dear Pandora,

Thank you.

You give me music (particularly on my "Home" station) I actually want. And if I don't want it, I can tell you and then you apologize to me. Then you never ever play it again. I should learn to be like you. Also, thank you for introducing me to artists in this genera I love so much. The genera I call, "Too good to play on the radio." I'm sure it has a real name, but once I look it up, it'll become this thing, and no longer the general essence of my life. Anyway, thanks for knowing it exists and letting me listen to it.

To make a really awful music cliché, you rock.

Love, Tanika