Dear Reader 4

Once again, my life has done that thing where it has become completely different since the last time I blogged. Changes being:

I am single. I won't go into details as to why. But I learned a lot from the experience. Always, always, do life experiences teach me to do better, to be better, next time.

I am graduated, and then some. I'm officially a licensed massage therapist (LMT for short), running an extremely small private practice. I'm currently living in two places at once; up in South Salt Lake with my loverly Aunt and Uncle Findlay during the week and at my parents' place on the weekends. Deciding to do the Master Bodyworker Program at the Salt Lake campus of UCMT (the continuing ed stuff I mentioned in the last blog) has been a huge eye-opener for me. If anything, it has humbled me into realizing that I still have a lot to learn not only about bodywork, but about life. Escaping the Happy Valley Bubble was is a lot scarier than I thought... turns out I really am a product of my surroundings. I'm the self-dubbed "Bright and Shiny" person in my tiny class of six people. Befriending those other five people is the best adventure.

That being said, I'm to the point where I really just want to be working. To have a chance to relight the fire of this fulfilling work. To make a LIVING. So it's time to pound the pavement and be a contributing member of society. And it will happen. I'm more than capable of getting a good job. I'm going to keep telling myself that until someone finally hires me.

Through all of this, I'm doing my best to establish a personal relationship with Heavenly Father, through Christ's atonement. Letting go of some serious pride has broken me down in ways I never thought would be this good for me. It's personal now. It's about doing the right things because I want to, not just because I should. It isn't about what others want or expect of me, it's what God expects of me. It's down to earth, it's deep, and it's real. It is my core. I don't think I've ever been this converted, and it feels more right than anything ever has.

So there you go. Without the forced positivity of anything, that is my life.

Here's a piece of music I've come to remember that I love in the last 48 hours. It, along with other pieces from this soundtrack, will hopefully be making its way into my Massage Therapy playlist as soon as I decide I have enough money to spend on music again. Have a great experience in your life sometime between now and the next time we talk.

Love, Tanika

Dear Mr. Satan,

Shut up!

I have a lot of really positive changes happening in my life. I've rectified many a wrong, I'm learning to use my talents to do good things for the world, and I've chosen to get the ball rolling with my education and career. Basically, I'm taking charge of my life.

So of course you're making sure I focus on all the things I'm losing instead of what I'm gaining.

You, Satan, do not have that power over my life. I don't believe the lies you think you're getting me to tell myself. Just because changes are happening, does not mean that I am being abandoned. I am choosing to make these steps, and these things inevitably lead to the distancing of people. And that's okay. Everything will end up being okay because I am in line with what Heavenly Father wants me to do.

So, Mr. Satan, shut up!

Love, Tanika

Dear Those in Both Light and Dark,

John 3
20  For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
21  But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought of God.

The opposite of evil is truth. Therefore, when we are doing truth, we cannot be doing evil.



After reading these verses and many others in Sunday school today, the teacher then asked, "So why do people choose to stay in darkness?"

This is my answer.

Darkness is easy. When one turns off a light in a room, it's never painful. Eyes enjoy the rest, for they are not being put to work. If one chooses to apply their eyes in the dark, they will adjust. However, after continuous usage they will grow weak. Meanwhile, those who walk in darkness do not see what they are missing. They can walk along in the dark room just fine until they stumble upon an object they didn't see coming and stub their toe. It hurts, they curse their unidentified stumbling block, and continue on their way.

Suddenly turning on a light in a room full of people who have been sitting in the dark for an extended amount of time often results in an outburst of near-outraged groaning. Those who have adjusted to the darkness will feel a searing pain in their weakened eyes. Many may immediately ask to turn the lights back off. But, given time, they will be able to see the room with clarity. The walkers will see that perhaps that thing they ran into that hurt them so much was, in fact, something they can put to good use.

Being able to truly see, though it may not always be easy, will always be better than remaining blind in the dark.

Love, Tanika

Dear Today,

Here are the things I learned from you:

1. It is ALWAYS the better decision to go to church rather than sleep.

2. Those ideas that I get that I'll never be married come from Satan, and I should really stop indulging him.

3. I have some really awesome women in my ward. I can bond with them.

4. I need to stop being so judgmental of the "culture."

5. Things are a lot easer to get done if I don't stop to think about how difficult they are going to be. 

6. Heavenly Father listens to my prayers, even when I don't realize that I'm really asking.

7. I know how to receive revelation, and I shouldn't doubt my most basic instincts and feelings.

8. I need to focus on the REAL reason I go to church, and not so much on the social aspects of it. 

9. I am a light. And it's okay to admit that I do a lot of things right, even when I do some things wrong.

10. By asking to be humbled, I am already on the right path to being humbled. 

11. Nail polish is a good conversation starter.

12. I know things. I should start expressing the things I know regardless of how those I fear will take them.

13. That being said, there ARE people on my side, who understand, and who will listen without looking to argue.

14. It is more important to be honest than to worry about what others think of me. If I am not honest, they probably aren't thinking good things about me anyway.

15. Faith is a usable object, not just an abstract idea. Faith moves mountains, even when physics says it can't. 

16. People who want me to be involved aren't out to get me. They just want me to be involved. 

17. Demeaning myself does wonders at stopping any sort of progress I may want to make. 

18. Waiting around for others to realize I'm drowning will only kill me faster. My salvation is between my Savior and me. 

19. "Fake it 'til you make it" does not mean I am lying until I figure things out. It means I am practicing those things I don't understand until I understand them. It is a leap of faith. 

20. This is my favorite line I've ever said in any show I've ever been in: "Make sure you understand a thing before you try to condemn it." People would learn to love a lot more if they practiced that advice from Hannah Whitefield.

21. I don't have to be surrounded by negative to be a positive influence. I can surround myself with positives, add my energy to theirs, and radiate all our energies combined. 

22. I am a positive. I know other positives. We CHOOSE to be positives. 

23. "For God so LOVED the world that he GAVE his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us so much that they both CHOSE to save us in this way. This was the greatest act of love ever committed. 

So, Today, thank you. I needed you more than I would have guessed when I woke up to you this morning.

Love, Tanika