Dear People Invited to Theatrical Events on Facebook,

It is a rare happenstance when a production is put on for one night only. Usually, they run several nights a week for multiple weeks, or even months. On the event page, the person who created it will most likely put the date of closing night as the end time for the event, as well as opening night for the start time of the event. That way, you will see and understand that there are various chances to see the show, and know exactly how many MANY times you could take one of those said chances and see it. This does not mean that you are expected to see the show every single night. We are not asking you to make the same commitment we have made to be there every night. We just want you there for one evening, maybe more if you choose.  We just want you to be able to see it; we're flexible that way.

So when you say you cannot make it to opening night, and therefore will not be able to see the show at all, you display yourself as an unobservant git who deserves to be shot.

And it hurts our feelings.

Love, Tanika



P.S. I don't really believe anyone should ever be shot. It's just frustrating when we are excited for people to come see our show, and it's dismissed because people don't take the time to realize what's going on. It's just a vent, and I apologize to anyone who is offended or now worries I'm a homicidal maniac.

Dear Pop-tarts,

Thanks for not trying to be something nutritious for breakfast anymore. You are much better suited for dessert. I'll for sure try that ice cream Pop-tart sandwich on a stick thing.




Love, Tanika

Dear Bra,

I'm on a hunt. I want one of you that will give me the support I want (maybe with a little cleavage... is that so wrong?) without adding so much padding that I look like I'm about to tip over.

Also, I don't want to have that cut-in-half boob lookin' thing. That's just nasty. I don't wanna be spillin' out of anything.  Just... cleavage. I know that's difficult, but I believe it's possible to get this AND the above together.

AND, if possible, can you be a cute bra? Like... not a bra that says, "Hello, I'm a bra. And I am only a bra. I keep your stuff in place and that is IT, lady." I want one that says, "Hello, I'm a cute bra! Not that you're gonna be showing me off to anyone, but YOU feel cute because I am cute. So feel cute!"

AND AND, I know this is a tall order but... can you be for around $30? I'm willing to cave on this one, but it'd be really really REALLY nice to not have to go broke to have my chest look the way I want it to.

Do you exist? Can you just magically find your way to me? That would be awesome.

Love, Tanika

Dear World Outside My House,

Although it's only been two days since I've had the chance to physically acknowledge your existence, I'm already feeling like some sort of mute, invalid hermit type thing. Perhaps the drugs I'm on, which don't necessarily take away the pain but instead make me care very little about the pain, possibly making me care even less about everything else. Like the fact that I haven't changed my clothes in two days, let alone showered. Is that TMI? I don't care. See what I mean?

By the way, these pills also make me randomly dizzy, and therefore it's hard for me to go through my paragraphs and fix whatever sentences that aren't that coherent. Including this one. I'm sure I'll go through this blog again in a week or so and say to myself, "Oh, Tanika. WHY did you think it was a good idea to write a blog while under the influence of whateverthecrapthesepillsare? Don't do that again, honey."

Then again, this may not be half as bad as I think it is. And the fact that I'm on pills, not necessarily the pills  themselves, is making me paranoid that I seem really really strange right now.

ANYWAY!

I want to thank those who have come over and visited me since my first put-under operation of finally getting rid of my puss-filled tonsils. First off, my fabulous Name Twin, Tanika Lee. You're a total sweetheart, and you MUST ACCEPT the love and adoration I have for you for checking up on me, texting my mommy the whole time I was at the hospital, then making your wonderful grandma drive you all the way down here to deliver a box and a half of Jello. It's been a life saver. I love love love you.

Aaaand then there's Taylor. Thanks for bringing a third of your movie collection over so I don't have to watch the same movies that I watch every time I get sick over and over, and especially thank you for sitting with me through two movies and then letting me sleep while you were still there. I hate being boring company. Thanks for just going with the flow. :)

Lovely Warner Sisters, Aubrey and Randilee. The Fun Shaped Jello was absolutely adorable! Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to stop by and give me a quick hello. You guys are pretty much awesome. I like that we're friends.

And of course, my parents and family have been stupendous caretakers throughout the whole thing. Mom and Dad haven't had a meal made out of solids at home since I've been here. It's times like these when you realize how much you really care about your family, and how much they care about you. And my family really cares about me. I'm starting to get the feeling that they may force me to take a shower sometime soon so I don't scare off the rest of the world anymore.

So, outside world, I know you're still there. I KNOW it. But, to be honest, the internet and tv aren't doing it for me. If you wanna come see me, I'd LOVE to see you. I don't know how entertaining it will be for you, but still. I'm gonna be bored for the next week. And in being on pills, and bored, and being in pain, and not being able to talk much, I've become rather self-centered. More than usual.

Yeah... that's pretty much all I wanted to say.

Love, Tanika

Dear 90's Grunge and Acoustic Music,

I'm having a two hour love affair with you. And you should be thanking "vh1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 90s." Just so you know.









Just some examples. I'm not in an angry/dark place or anything. It's just....Yay.

Love, Tanika

Dear This Question,

"If you could go back in time and change anything, would you?"

Ya know what? People usually say (in response to this question), "No, all my decisions have lead me to who I am now, the good and the bad are all a part of me." And that's all fine and dandy for those people; I am happy that you're in a great place in your life. But there are really some things I wish I hadn't done, and there are ESPECIALLY things I wish I had done better. And I can repent, and have repented, which is AMAZING, but my life would be easier if I had made better decisions in the first place.

So, to answer this question, yeah. I would. I would go back in time and slap myself in the face and say, "Realize in your now what you are doing to me in my now! Listen to your parents! They are so unbelievably right! Follow through with something for once in your life!" I'm not okay with a lot of who I am today; it would be a complacent lie to say otherwise. Trying to fix what I've broken is difficult. It's already been hard dealing with decisions, or lack of decisions, I made for most of my academic life. There are habits I've created that, in my mind, are impossible to break. It makes me feel horrible.

I feel like I should have been one of those people who got perfect grades in high school, who strived for excellence, who got on honor roll and thought, "Oh, good. Another average semester." But I wasn't. There was a point when I just stopped caring. It got to the point where if I passed a class that had nothing to do with choir or drama, there was a celebration between my parents and myself. How... settling of me. And of my parents, but that's a bull crap psychological blame game to bring them into it.

Anyway, to this day, I can't stand to do homework. Even if it's easy. I've put up a mental block. The word "homework" gives me an ulcer. Every year, every semester, I think, "This one will be different. I'll figure out a great system of how to do my homework, and turn it in on time, and la de frickin' da," and something miniscule and stupid will happen, like I'll forget my book for one day, and I stop doing homework for the semester. And I fail.

Do you understand why I say YES to this question? If I felt like I had things really resolved with this issue, I'd probably be able to be everyone else with this question. It's not resolved. I'm probably dropping out of college because it's not resolved. And society says these days that if you don't graduate from college, you fail life and you'll never be happy, whatever.

I could keep going, but it's late, so I'll probably do the second half of this rant entitled something like, "So since I'm not your typical go-to-college type person, this is my plan" some other night. No comments because I haven't finished explaining myself.

Love, Tanika

Dear Cakes,

Why is it that when we're making the practice cake, everything goes near to perfectly, but when we're making the real deal, everything falls apart? This is my sister's wedding, here. I wanted this to be GOOD. I wanted you to be something I could be PROUD of. The cake for the birthday party was great; I got little to no credit for it, but it was great. I'll definitely get credit for this one, though, because it's the one that won't be all that amazing.

In other words, maybe I should just go grab a cake from the grocery store and call it embarrassing. Deal? Deal.

Love, Tanika