Dear Sentence Structure,

I love you. I wish people knew you better. It gets discouraging when I have to read a simple paragraph and I have to treat it like code so I can figure out what on earth the poor writer is trying to say. I'm not saying I'm perfect at sticking to your rules, but at least I use you, for the most part. Please, oh please, do what you can to infiltrate the minds of those who feel the need to express themselves through writing, yet have no idea how to put together a cohesive sentence.

Love, Tanika

Dear Emotional, Sexual, and Mental Frustration,

You're back in my life. Crap.

Love, Tanika

P.S. Have a cookie.

P.P.S.

So now I have actual words to say on this subject. I find it insanely ironic that being emotionally needy is an extremely unattractive state of being, but in that state of unattractiveness, that is when you need people to be attracted to you the most. It's a never-ending cycle of needing people, and therefore pushing them away.

I have a new fear. I have a fear that I'm going to grow up to be one of those spectacular 40-something-year-old women who people always wonder, "She's so cool! Why isn't she married?"

I'm terrified.

Love, Tanika

Dear Reader 2,

I'm doing a small collection of mini letters I've written in my head in the last few days.



Dear Theatre,

Why is it that the 6-foot tall girl who is deathly afraid of heights is always. ALWAYS. The one chosen to do the complicated stuff on the extremely high part of the set? WHY?

Love, Tanika



Dear Men,

Is the following statement true? "If a guy wants to see a girl, he WILL do whatever it takes to see that girl." I'd really like to know, for the sake of my sanity. By the way, I'm single. And I should be dating a lot more. You should ask me on a date. I'm interested in you.

Love, Tanika



Dear Pirate Language on Facebook,

You make people's lives sound far more interesting than they are.

Love, Tanika



Dear "It" Girl,

You could seriously have your pick of most of the guys in the department. Pick one. Don't go all crazy white girl on him, and stick to him. Leave the rest of the poor male population to the rest of us girls. You don't get to flirt anymore. Chastity belt is now locked in place.

Love, Tanika



Dear Noorda Theatre Summer Camp,

Please, oh PLEASE, find a place for me. You have no idea how much I want to work for you. I don't care if it's changing diapers. I just need this experience this summer. Please, Please, PLEASE!!!

Love, Tanika



Dear Men (Again),

Fo shiz. Ask me on a date. I'll look pretty and try not to embarrass you and myself too much. And if you're repulsed by the idea of asking me out... please tell me why. I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong these days that makes it so impossible for you to think of me in that way. Ugh, I hate being one of those girls. Forget I said anything.

Love, Tanika


Thanks for letting me share!

Love, Tanika

P.S. Have you seen He's Just Not That Into You? Remember Gigi? I'm her. Without the exception. Heaven help me.

Dear Drivers,

If you are turning right at some place other than a stop sign or a traffic light and there's a turning lane, you don't get to slow down until AFTER you're in the turning lane. DO NOT slow down, and then get in the turning lane. You're begging to get rear-ended and flipped off. The turning lane was created for you to use for your slow-down time. Use it well.

If there isn't a turning lane, be kind and at least signal a few seconds before you slow down. And I promise, it isn't going to kill you if you don't come to a complete stop before turning. In fact, NOT coming to a complete stop is safer. I promise. Try it.
Love, Tanika

Dear Ben Folds,

Despite the fact that whilst rocking out to this particular song I gave myself whiplash, it helped me out by being an outlet for my teenage angst:



So thanks. I plan on hiring you for a month to follow me around and make up songs about me as I walk. Just so you know. It's coming.

Love, Tanika

Dear Person With These Feet,

This wasn't tempting to tickle you at ALL.

Love, Tanika

Dear People of the Performing Arts,

In order to save myself from becoming the biggest hypocrite on the face of the planet, please remember this particular blog is more of a vent than anything. If you're currently in a show with me, DO NOT read this blog.

In the rehearsal process, unless you are a director or captain of sorts, or have been told by a director or captain of sorts to do so (and ALL of your cast members know it), do not tell other people what to do. Ever. Once you do, you have crossed a major line as a performer, and there's no going back. You have created an unnecessary hierarchy in which you are the resented dictator.

I know you may think you are being helpful, and in some ways you are, but more often than not it will cause your fellow performers to resent you. Personally, if I were a director and one of my cast members started to take over, I would make a mental note to never cast that person again, and I would inform other directors of your tendency to control. Seriously, it's not a good thing to do.

If you notice that some people are doing things wrong, ASK the director to go over or clarify what you have noticed. Do not raise your hand and then make an announcement to the cast about it. Do not even utter the phrase "I've noticed some people doing..." Pointing out others' mistakes makes you a target. People will now watch you. And they will notice every single one of your mistakes. It's particularly funny when you make the same mistake that you've been harping on with others. And believe me, it will happen. 

You are a performer. You are part of the cast. No matter how significant your role is, no matter how well you've grasped a concept that others are not getting, you are not the director. The director is the director. Let them do their job. Again, if something isn't going the way its supposed to (notice that I did not say how YOU think its supposed to) go to the director. It's even more appropriate to go to the director privately. Unless it's a social problem that needs to be addressed for the well-being and unity of the cast and certain people need to be dealt with by an authority, do not mention names. Just name the problem. In question form. 

The only time it is appropriate to help someone is if they ask for it, and only if it's about something technical, like a certain step or part of a song. Do not help with character work. If they ask for it, tell them to go to the director. Also, this help should be on your and the asker's own time, not while the director is giving instruction. If someone asks for your help during that time, say, "I don't know!" in a kind and friendly way, then raise your hand. 

If you address a problem, and the director fixes it once, but people continue to make the mistake, this STILL does not give you permission to tell your fellow cast members what to do. Just ask to go over it again. This may make you look a little slow of learning, but that's better than crossing the directing line. In all honesty, if the director doesn't work the problem until it's completely resolved, it's probably a bigger deal to you than it is to them, and your opinion doesn't really matter. If the director does go over the problem again and again and people still miss it, chances are they realized their mistake as they were making it. At that point, it is their responsibility to resolve the issue themselves. Not yours.

A side note on a minor form of this breach: shushing. It's annoying. If the director is trying to get the cast's attention, sit quietly and be attentive to the director. Wait for others to notice what you're doing. If they don't, it's their loss. And focusing on their inattentiveness will only make you miss instruction more. It's amazing what apathy for a possible annoyance can do to your happiness level. 

In short, worry about yourself. Take care of yourself. Be friendly and sociable and helpful when appropriate. Good for you for excelling; lead by nonverbal example. People will like you a lot more, and people won't write blogs like this about you. 

Love, Tanika