Dear Santa,

(To the Reader: Don't let your younger children read this forward. ;) I am almost 21 years old. Since I have been able to make sense of putting pen to paper, my mother has insisted that every Christmas I write a letter to Santa. As a child, I took it for face value, entrusting that my parents would get my letter to the North Pole through the special deal all parents have with the postal service. As I grew older and the magic of Old St. Nick faded, I figured Mom would let up on the "Dear Santa" format, and just accept a list of things I wanted/needed that Yule Tide season. But no. Such basic, impersonal writings were rejected, with my mother saying something along the lines of, "Santa wants a REAL letter; not a demanding list." So, continuing on into junior high, and high school, and now my young adult life, I am required to write, text, or in this case, blog, a letter to Santa. Here is this year's rendition.)


Hello there, my jolly old friend! How have things been this year? How's the North Pole? How are those eight crazy reindeer? Most importantly, how's the Mrs. doing? I hope all are well. They deserve to be happy at your busiest time of year.

Anyway, on to the section where I ask kindly, and do not demand, some special gifts from the best gift-giver on the earth. It's taken me a while to think of all the things I desire this year; I've gotten into the habit of buying things for myself, and you know how I am about the whole "asking for things" thing. But, here goes.

For most of my life, I've been content to own basic tennis shoes for days I'll be on my feet, one or two pairs of dress shoes for Sundays and other dressier occasions, and random pairs of flip flops for summer... all the time. This lifestyle is WRONG!!! So. I would deeply appreciate a cute pair of rubber boots for those wet and soggy days we get around here every once in a while. I'd also appreciate money to help fund for other cute boots that I will buy on my own time. I'm way too picky to ask you to guess at what kind I want.

I'd also love to get some cake-building supplies. In particular I'd like an apron (preferably a cute one, but more importantly functional and long enough to cover me) and frosting piping tips. Anything else that has to do with baking and/or cake shaping would be cool, but the aforementioned will suffice. I've found that Michael's has the best variety (of supplies, not aprons), in case your elves have problems building the things themselves.

As my parents know, my organizational means in the basement are... limited. I'm really really grateful for the portable closet Good Friend Aubrey so generously gave me earlier this year, but I'm finding that not all of my clothes are easily hung up. If you could please give me a superdy cheap-o dresser from DI... or... ya know... scrap wood from your shop... that would be great.

Due to the fact that my laptop sometimes has issues downloading the latest versions of programs, I can no longer access the iTunes store. Traditionally, you have been gracious enough to give me an iTunes gift card, but unfortunately I won't be able to use one this year. If you still want to give me some form of funding for entertainment (which I would LOVE, I'm all for getting new music and movies) the best rout would be to give me a gift certificate to FYE. If at all possible, it would be great to figure out how to fix the problem with my computer, but I've already tried multiple things and none have worked, so... no biggie at all if you can't figure it out, either. I love my lappy, and I'm fine with it the way it is.

If we really wanna get splurgy, I'm always up for a starter on laser hair removal. But seeing as how I'm posting this in a blog... let's just talk about that later. :)

That sums me up! Thank you oh, so very much for considering my requests for Christmas this year! As usual, don't worry about getting absolutely everything on the list, just whatever comes easiest for you. The fact that you're still doing this for me is more than I could ask for, so I won't ask for more. I love you, Santa! I hope you stay healthy and happy in all your journeying in the next few weeks. Keep that sleigh up to code!

Love, Tanika

Dear Sanity,

I've written at least one blog a month since I started this thing. Seeing as how it's almost the end of November and I have yet to write anything, in case I don't get around to it within the next few days, this is my blog for the month. I can put you at ease. We won't have to add a little extra "in" to the beginning of your name.

...

Now I feel like a lame, pathetic loser because I haven't written anything worthwhile this month.

Oh. Well, I have time later today... ya know... after calling it a night...

I'll figure out something less disappointing in the morning.

Love, Tanika

Dear E vs. I,

I've been fighting this for a long time. I've always thought of myself as an Extrovert (E). But I am not. I am an Introvert (I). This may come as a surprise to many who have known me pre-college, because I seem so unbelievably outspoken half the time, and decently outgoing whenever else I'm observed. And that was true for most of my life.

However, looking back, I've realized that I seemed to be this way because of my upbringing, particularly in my schooling. I started out in preschool with many of the kids in my neighborhood. I knew almost everyone there beforehand. Then, going into kindergarten, I still had that same base of familiar people; just adding a few more. Because my family has stayed in the same house for almost as long as I can remember, and I never transferred schools or anything like that, I was constantly in a familiar environment. From elementary school, to junior high, to high school, I was never the new kid.

There were times when I had to try to make friends, but it was never a long struggle. If I had shy moments or there were times I felt excluded, I could always go back to that base of people whom I had known for years and trusted. Or, I would be swooped upon by those who were older than me and saw my potential, and I was included. By my senior year, I was completely comfortable and in my element, never needing to stretch myself outside of familiarity more than to include those who came into my world.

Then I graduated, and went to college.

For the first time in my life, I was not the top dog. It was the classic scenario of turning from a big fish in a little pond to a small fish in a comparatively large pond. In the theatre world, I had serious competition. I was not the best at everything. I became extremely intimidated by pretty much anyone who grasped things faster than I did. I lost a lot of my drive and confidence. Suddenly I found myself in large groups of people with next to nothing to say. Making friends was difficult, but it happened. Instead of being a member and leader of an army of comrades, I chose to spend my time with a few close friends, slowly getting to know them on an individual level.

Because I had known myself to be an extrovert for most of my life, it was difficult to come to this conclusion. In the last year or so, I've had people (mostly those whom I have allowed myself to become close to since college) diagnose me as an introvert, and I was almost offended by it. How could such a person who had been known to be so confident, so well-known, so LOUD, be an introvert? According to one particular friend, the best way to tell whether someone is an E or an I (thank you, Myers-Briggs) is to put them in a large crowd of people they don't know. Does this person easily go out of their way to introduce themselves to anyone and everyone in the room, or do they choose to stay aloof, barely speaking unless spoken to, and possibly finding one or two people to get to know?

Considering my background of knowing most of my peers in my childhood, I was rarely surrounded by strangers. I thought, because I made myself the center of attention in many situations, of course I was an E. Even in classroom settings where I didn't know absolutely everyone, I was always one to speak up. However, once I was finally put into multiple scenarios of unfamiliarity, I either became or discovered my Introvert-ness, for lack of a better word.

I am shy. It is difficult for me to put myself out there among people I don't know. Unless I know and am comfortable with all or most members of a party, I have a tendency to keep my conversations between a few people, or, if there is an intimidating element pressing upon me in the situation, I shut down completely. Once you get to know me, then you will discover that I still am that loud and confident person... but just with you.

So there you go, E vs. I. I can now comfortably accept the fact that I'm an introvert. And that's okay.

Love, Tanika

Dear Eric Whitacre,

HOW did I forget about you? Please, oh please forgive me for this lapse in judgement. I've had With A Lily In Your Hand stuck in my head for the last hour, and I quite suddenly miss being in a high quality choir. SO much. AND it makes me miss analyzing in-depth poetry.



With a lily in your hand
I leave you, o my night love!
Little widow of my single star
I find you.
Tamer of dark butterflies!
I keep along my way.
After a thousand years have gone
you'll see me, o, my night love!
By the blue footpath,
tamer of dark stars,
I'll make my way.
Until the universe can fit inside my heart.

That being said, I would not go back to high school, given the chance. Aspects of it, yes, but it's not worth it to have to relive EVERYTHING.

Excuse me while I look up more poetry and music.

Love, Tanika

Dear Today,

Here are the things I learned from you:

1. It is ALWAYS the better decision to go to church rather than sleep.

2. Those ideas that I get that I'll never be married come from Satan, and I should really stop indulging him.

3. I have some really awesome women in my ward. I can bond with them.

4. I need to stop being so judgmental of the "culture."

5. Things are a lot easer to get done if I don't stop to think about how difficult they are going to be. 

6. Heavenly Father listens to my prayers, even when I don't realize that I'm really asking.

7. I know how to receive revelation, and I shouldn't doubt my most basic instincts and feelings.

8. I need to focus on the REAL reason I go to church, and not so much on the social aspects of it. 

9. I am a light. And it's okay to admit that I do a lot of things right, even when I do some things wrong.

10. By asking to be humbled, I am already on the right path to being humbled. 

11. Nail polish is a good conversation starter.

12. I know things. I should start expressing the things I know regardless of how those I fear will take them.

13. That being said, there ARE people on my side, who understand, and who will listen without looking to argue.

14. It is more important to be honest than to worry about what others think of me. If I am not honest, they probably aren't thinking good things about me anyway.

15. Faith is a usable object, not just an abstract idea. Faith moves mountains, even when physics says it can't. 

16. People who want me to be involved aren't out to get me. They just want me to be involved. 

17. Demeaning myself does wonders at stopping any sort of progress I may want to make. 

18. Waiting around for others to realize I'm drowning will only kill me faster. My salvation is between my Savior and me. 

19. "Fake it 'til you make it" does not mean I am lying until I figure things out. It means I am practicing those things I don't understand until I understand them. It is a leap of faith. 

20. This is my favorite line I've ever said in any show I've ever been in: "Make sure you understand a thing before you try to condemn it." People would learn to love a lot more if they practiced that advice from Hannah Whitefield.

21. I don't have to be surrounded by negative to be a positive influence. I can surround myself with positives, add my energy to theirs, and radiate all our energies combined. 

22. I am a positive. I know other positives. We CHOOSE to be positives. 

23. "For God so LOVED the world that he GAVE his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us so much that they both CHOSE to save us in this way. This was the greatest act of love ever committed. 

So, Today, thank you. I needed you more than I would have guessed when I woke up to you this morning.

Love, Tanika

Dear Facebook "Find your Friend" Picture Tagging Feature,

You just asked me to tag the wheel of my car.



Not the front one. Just that back one.

I love you.

Love, Tanika

P.S. I don't know what that feature thing is really called, because I have my facebook language set to Pirate. It's called "Mark yer Matey" or something like that in my tongue.

Dear People Invited to Theatrical Events on Facebook,

It is a rare happenstance when a production is put on for one night only. Usually, they run several nights a week for multiple weeks, or even months. On the event page, the person who created it will most likely put the date of closing night as the end time for the event, as well as opening night for the start time of the event. That way, you will see and understand that there are various chances to see the show, and know exactly how many MANY times you could take one of those said chances and see it. This does not mean that you are expected to see the show every single night. We are not asking you to make the same commitment we have made to be there every night. We just want you there for one evening, maybe more if you choose.  We just want you to be able to see it; we're flexible that way.

So when you say you cannot make it to opening night, and therefore will not be able to see the show at all, you display yourself as an unobservant git who deserves to be shot.

And it hurts our feelings.

Love, Tanika



P.S. I don't really believe anyone should ever be shot. It's just frustrating when we are excited for people to come see our show, and it's dismissed because people don't take the time to realize what's going on. It's just a vent, and I apologize to anyone who is offended or now worries I'm a homicidal maniac.