Friday, February 24, 2012

Dear Anti-Brilliant Inspiration,

You are what I get when I decide that there's no way I'm going to sleep.

Usually you manifest yourself in the form of Thoughts Of Worry; things completely out of my circle of influence that I do my best to avoid spending copious amounts of time pondering during usual waking hours. Blaugh.

Sometimes you creep up on me on the pages of a really good book that I started reading "to help me fall asleep." I can't remember the last time I finished a book between 6 am and 10 pm.

On a related note, "Just one more episode..." Netflix will kill me someday.

A few weeks ago, you turned into ink from a pen scrawled upon my forearm in the shape of all the lyrics of Blackbird. If I were to get a tattoo... obviously I never will, because I immediately went to the bathroom and spent a good twenty minutes washing you off. But it looked fantastic to my 2 am brain.

Tonight, without me even trying to sleep first, you found yourself in a new bottle of nail polish.
It wasn't until after I had finished that I realized this wasn't just a finish-and-go-to-bed project. Turns out nail polish has to dry if you don't want to find yourself with your toes stuck to the sheets of your bed in the morning or something.

So now, you are this blog. Still waiting for them to dry. Thanks.

Love, Tanika

Friday, February 17, 2012

Dear Reader 4

Once again, my life has done that thing where it has become completely different since the last time I blogged. Changes being:

I am single. I won't go into details as to why. But I learned a lot from the experience. Always, always, do life experiences teach me to do better, to be better, next time.

I am graduated, and then some. I'm officially a licensed massage therapist (LMT for short), running an extremely small private practice. I'm currently living in two places at once; up in South Salt Lake with my loverly Aunt and Uncle Findlay during the week and at my parents' place on the weekends. Deciding to do the Master Bodyworker Program at the Salt Lake campus of UCMT (the continuing ed stuff I mentioned in the last blog) has been a huge eye-opener for me. If anything, it has humbled me into realizing that I still have a lot to learn not only about bodywork, but about life. Escaping the Happy Valley Bubble was is a lot scarier than I thought... turns out I really am a product of my surroundings. I'm the self-dubbed "Bright and Shiny" person in my tiny class of six people. Befriending those other five people is the best adventure.

That being said, I'm to the point where I really just want to be working. To have a chance to relight the fire of this fulfilling work. To make a LIVING. So it's time to pound the pavement and be a contributing member of society. And it will happen. I'm more than capable of getting a good job. I'm going to keep telling myself that until someone finally hires me.

Through all of this, I'm doing my best to establish a personal relationship with Heavenly Father, through Christ's atonement. Letting go of some serious pride has broken me down in ways I never thought would be this good for me. It's personal now. It's about doing the right things because I want to, not just because I should. It isn't about what others want or expect of me, it's what God expects of me. It's down to earth, it's deep, and it's real. It is my core. I don't think I've ever been this converted, and it feels more right than anything ever has.

So there you go. Without the forced positivity of anything, that is my life.

Here's a piece of music I've come to remember that I love in the last 48 hours. It, along with other pieces from this soundtrack, will hopefully be making its way into my Massage Therapy playlist as soon as I decide I have enough money to spend on music again. Have a great experience in your life sometime between now and the next time we talk.

Love, Tanika