Sunday, August 29, 2010

Dear People Invited to Theatrical Events on Facebook,

It is a rare happenstance when a production is put on for one night only. Usually, they run several nights a week for multiple weeks, or even months. On the event page, the person who created it will most likely put the date of closing night as the end time for the event, as well as opening night for the start time of the event. That way, you will see and understand that there are various chances to see the show, and know exactly how many MANY times you could take one of those said chances and see it. This does not mean that you are expected to see the show every single night. We are not asking you to make the same commitment we have made to be there every night. We just want you there for one evening, maybe more if you choose.  We just want you to be able to see it; we're flexible that way.

So when you say you cannot make it to opening night, and therefore will not be able to see the show at all, you display yourself as an unobservant git who deserves to be shot.

And it hurts our feelings.

Love, Tanika

P.S. I don't really believe anyone should ever be shot. It's just frustrating when we are excited for people to come see our show, and it's dismissed because people don't take the time to realize what's going on. It's just a vent, and I apologize to anyone who is offended or now worries I'm a homicidal maniac.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Dear Pop-tarts,

Thanks for not trying to be something nutritious for breakfast anymore. You are much better suited for dessert. I'll for sure try that ice cream Pop-tart sandwich on a stick thing.

Love, Tanika

Monday, August 9, 2010

Dear Bra,

I'm on a hunt. I want one of you that will give me the support I want (maybe with a little cleavage... is that so wrong?) without adding so much padding that I look like I'm about to tip over.

Also, I don't want to have that cut-in-half boob lookin' thing. That's just nasty. I don't wanna be spillin' out of anything.  Just... cleavage. I know that's difficult, but I believe it's possible to get this AND the above together.

AND, if possible, can you be a cute bra? Like... not a bra that says, "Hello, I'm a bra. And I am only a bra. I keep your stuff in place and that is IT, lady." I want one that says, "Hello, I'm a cute bra! Not that you're gonna be showing me off to anyone, but YOU feel cute because I am cute. So feel cute!"

AND AND, I know this is a tall order but... can you be for around $30? I'm willing to cave on this one, but it'd be really really REALLY nice to not have to go broke to have my chest look the way I want it to.

Do you exist? Can you just magically find your way to me? That would be awesome.

Love, Tanika