Thursday, April 29, 2010

Dear Sentence Structure,

I love you. I wish people knew you better. It gets discouraging when I have to read a simple paragraph and I have to treat it like code so I can figure out what on earth the poor writer is trying to say. I'm not saying I'm perfect at sticking to your rules, but at least I use you, for the most part. Please, oh please, do what you can to infiltrate the minds of those who feel the need to express themselves through writing, yet have no idea how to put together a cohesive sentence.

Love, Tanika

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Dear Emotional, Sexual, and Mental Frustration,

You're back in my life. Crap.

Love, Tanika

P.S. Have a cookie.


So now I have actual words to say on this subject. I find it insanely ironic that being emotionally needy is an extremely unattractive state of being, but in that state of unattractiveness, that is when you need people to be attracted to you the most. It's a never-ending cycle of needing people, and therefore pushing them away.

I have a new fear. I have a fear that I'm going to grow up to be one of those spectacular 40-something-year-old women who people always wonder, "She's so cool! Why isn't she married?"

I'm terrified.

Love, Tanika

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Dear Reader 2,

I'm doing a small collection of mini letters I've written in my head in the last few days.

Dear Theatre,

Why is it that the 6-foot tall girl who is deathly afraid of heights is always. ALWAYS. The one chosen to do the complicated stuff on the extremely high part of the set? WHY?

Love, Tanika

Dear Men,

Is the following statement true? "If a guy wants to see a girl, he WILL do whatever it takes to see that girl." I'd really like to know, for the sake of my sanity. By the way, I'm single. And I should be dating a lot more. You should ask me on a date. I'm interested in you.

Love, Tanika

Dear Pirate Language on Facebook,

You make people's lives sound far more interesting than they are.

Love, Tanika

Dear "It" Girl,

You could seriously have your pick of most of the guys in the department. Pick one. Don't go all crazy white girl on him, and stick to him. Leave the rest of the poor male population to the rest of us girls. You don't get to flirt anymore. Chastity belt is now locked in place.

Love, Tanika

Dear Noorda Theatre Summer Camp,

Please, oh PLEASE, find a place for me. You have no idea how much I want to work for you. I don't care if it's changing diapers. I just need this experience this summer. Please, Please, PLEASE!!!

Love, Tanika

Dear Men (Again),

Fo shiz. Ask me on a date. I'll look pretty and try not to embarrass you and myself too much. And if you're repulsed by the idea of asking me out... please tell me why. I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong these days that makes it so impossible for you to think of me in that way. Ugh, I hate being one of those girls. Forget I said anything.

Love, Tanika

Thanks for letting me share!

Love, Tanika

P.S. Have you seen He's Just Not That Into You? Remember Gigi? I'm her. Without the exception. Heaven help me.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Dear Drivers,

If you are turning right at some place other than a stop sign or a traffic light and there's a turning lane, you don't get to slow down until AFTER you're in the turning lane. DO NOT slow down, and then get in the turning lane. You're begging to get rear-ended and flipped off. The turning lane was created for you to use for your slow-down time. Use it well.

If there isn't a turning lane, be kind and at least signal a few seconds before you slow down. And I promise, it isn't going to kill you if you don't come to a complete stop before turning. In fact, NOT coming to a complete stop is safer. I promise. Try it.
Love, Tanika