Dear Anti-Brilliant Inspiration,

You are what I get when I decide that there's no way I'm going to sleep.

Usually you manifest yourself in the form of Thoughts Of Worry; things completely out of my circle of influence that I do my best to avoid spending copious amounts of time pondering during usual waking hours. Blaugh.

Sometimes you creep up on me on the pages of a really good book that I started reading "to help me fall asleep." I can't remember the last time I finished a book between 6 am and 10 pm.

On a related note, "Just one more episode..." Netflix will kill me someday.

A few weeks ago, you turned into ink from a pen scrawled upon my forearm in the shape of all the lyrics of Blackbird. If I were to get a tattoo... obviously I never will, because I immediately went to the bathroom and spent a good twenty minutes washing you off. But it looked fantastic to my 2 am brain.

Tonight, without me even trying to sleep first, you found yourself in a new bottle of nail polish.

It wasn't until after I had finished that I realized this wasn't just a finish-and-go-to-bed project. Turns out nail polish has to dry if you don't want to find yourself with your toes stuck to the sheets of your bed in the morning or something.

So now, you are this blog. Still waiting for them to dry. Thanks.

Love, Tanika

Dear World Outside My House,

Although it's only been two days since I've had the chance to physically acknowledge your existence, I'm already feeling like some sort of mute, invalid hermit type thing. Perhaps the drugs I'm on, which don't necessarily take away the pain but instead make me care very little about the pain, possibly making me care even less about everything else. Like the fact that I haven't changed my clothes in two days, let alone showered. Is that TMI? I don't care. See what I mean?

By the way, these pills also make me randomly dizzy, and therefore it's hard for me to go through my paragraphs and fix whatever sentences that aren't that coherent. Including this one. I'm sure I'll go through this blog again in a week or so and say to myself, "Oh, Tanika. WHY did you think it was a good idea to write a blog while under the influence of whateverthecrapthesepillsare? Don't do that again, honey."

Then again, this may not be half as bad as I think it is. And the fact that I'm on pills, not necessarily the pills  themselves, is making me paranoid that I seem really really strange right now.

ANYWAY!

I want to thank those who have come over and visited me since my first put-under operation of finally getting rid of my puss-filled tonsils. First off, my fabulous Name Twin, Tanika Lee. You're a total sweetheart, and you MUST ACCEPT the love and adoration I have for you for checking up on me, texting my mommy the whole time I was at the hospital, then making your wonderful grandma drive you all the way down here to deliver a box and a half of Jello. It's been a life saver. I love love love you.

Aaaand then there's Taylor. Thanks for bringing a third of your movie collection over so I don't have to watch the same movies that I watch every time I get sick over and over, and especially thank you for sitting with me through two movies and then letting me sleep while you were still there. I hate being boring company. Thanks for just going with the flow. :)

Lovely Warner Sisters, Aubrey and Randilee. The Fun Shaped Jello was absolutely adorable! Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to stop by and give me a quick hello. You guys are pretty much awesome. I like that we're friends.

And of course, my parents and family have been stupendous caretakers throughout the whole thing. Mom and Dad haven't had a meal made out of solids at home since I've been here. It's times like these when you realize how much you really care about your family, and how much they care about you. And my family really cares about me. I'm starting to get the feeling that they may force me to take a shower sometime soon so I don't scare off the rest of the world anymore.

So, outside world, I know you're still there. I KNOW it. But, to be honest, the internet and tv aren't doing it for me. If you wanna come see me, I'd LOVE to see you. I don't know how entertaining it will be for you, but still. I'm gonna be bored for the next week. And in being on pills, and bored, and being in pain, and not being able to talk much, I've become rather self-centered. More than usual.

Yeah... that's pretty much all I wanted to say.

Love, Tanika